Don’t Try To Save The World… Start With Yourself

I use to think that I had to change the world in some huge way. That somehow it meant more if a lot of people were involved. If you know me you know that I surround myself with a very small circle. It was not always that way. I had a lot of friends at some point. I thought that meant something too. It doesn’t. I believe that anyone in their 30’s can agree. Friends come and go. I am certainly not one of those people that have had life long friends. Anyone I was friends with growing up is no longer there. This is for a variety of different reasons.

Taking on the feat of impacting the world in such a huge way seems out of character for me. As an introvert I engage with people when I have to and even small outings leave me drained. I thought I needed to have a large reach to make any difference at all and I wonder if I would ever have the energy to be able to keep up with something like that. I am not sure if I am here to impact the world in such a tangibly large way. In fact maybe my efforts will be that of small miracles. Maybe I am supposed to impact one person at a time instead large groups of people.

I see the evil in the world and I want to change it. I know I play role in that but I don’t entirely understand where I fit. (Story of my life really.) I know that any healing that needs to be done is healing myself. If my cup is empty I have nothing to offer to anyone, and if I am being honest my cup is empty a lot. My self esteem has taken a beating both by me and by others. The world has chewed me up and spit me out so many times and so here I am putting myself out there and walking a much different path. I am choosing to build something that I believe only I was meant to build even if I don’t know what that “something” is.

It is scary putting yourself out there, and there is no shortage of people rolling their eyes at you, and being generally unsupportive. That is why creators so often don’t share what they are doing with the people that is closest to them. I have spent the last 2 almost 3 years secluded from this world. A lot of it was a really dark time. I had a miscarriage, lost my way, lost myself, and the amount of alcohol I put away would probably shock you. It wasn’t until this pregnancy that my blinders came off. Losing one of these babies also sent me in for a tailspin but finding out that there was still another baby changed me in an instant.

I will always be the mother to babies that I have lost, but not having them here with me was too painful at times. This pain along with all of the pain that I have run from for many years was something that I had to face so that is what I am doing. If I keep learning to save myself, and heal myself then it can have a ripple effect. If I can heal parts of me then these parts will not have to be passed on to my baby. If I am healed then I can show up in my relationship and in my world and a much healthier way.

I don’t believe any of us were ever meant to save the world. I believe now more than ever we were meant to save ourselves. Move your body, eat the right foods, get some sunshine. Drink your filtered watered and show kindness and love wherever you can including with yourself. When we start doing these things we start seeing the magic that we are made of

XOXO

Brittany