Pregnancy: A Healing Experience
Hello beautiful,
I finished my semester and I really can't believe it. So many papers were due, so my writing here had to be put on hold. I really had no words left to type after writing very long very boring papers and treatment plans! But I am here and it is done and I have been resting and somewhat nesting but really mostly nesting. I want to make some meals and snacks to put in the freezer but I am trying to decide what I want.
Waiting for the baby to come is a really weird place to be. I can’t really put into words what I am feeling. I am calm, but anxious and excited. I believe this transition is far bigger than I could possibly wrap my mind around so I simply just sit with this unknown feeling I have. I thought I had some cramping throughout the night but really I was just waking up having to pee so bad haha. I had one small contraction this morning around 5am but nothing came after that. I just keep praying that God keeps me calm, and keeps us both safe.
I have literally done all I could to prepare myself. I'm taking all the vitamins, drinking the teas although not as much as I thought I would, taking all the walks and doing all the visualizations. How do you really prepare for something you this big that you have never done?! You can take advice from others if you want but in all honesty no birthing journey is the same for everyone.
I still can’t imagine being a mom to my perfect little girl but I am still so grateful she chose me to be in her life. I wonder what she will look like, and how she will be. She is already so loved and I love that for her.
I have worried before about bringing a child into such a messed up world, but this little girl was determined to be here. Against all the odds here I am exactly 39 weeks pregnant today She has brought so many things to the surface that I cannot help but thing that pregnancy is not only this miraculous spiritual journey in itself, but an incredibly healing one as well.
Being pregnant with this little girl has brought me back to my body. She has taught me to stand my ground and take my own power back. She is teaching me my worth. While I have never really been one to fit in, I can’t help but wonder if that might be one of the reasons she picked me to be her mom. You may be wondering how that is possible and the truth is I don’t know I just know that is what it is. She is not just my child she is my partner, we are a team, and I never really expected that either.
Every little emotion I have felt and every little outburst of tears, every fear that has been uncovered has made this experience both tumultuous but integrative and cleansing. Something about pregnancy sheds light on everything and there is nowhere to hide. It has been truly incredible but it was not always pretty. I am grateful to everyone who was there for me to call and cry to. Thankyou to everyone who just listened and comforted me when I was not sure what was going to happen.
I don’t think baby will come today but thats okay because I still want to get my pedicure tomorrow haha! She can’t see my toes in this condition she will judge me forever!
To anyone that is here with me on this journey I am so happy that you are here! I love you all so much.
Sending you so much LOVE
Brittany