Evil Is Real.
I have been struggling with being authentic lately. I find that each episode I try to upload for my podcast comes off not sounding like. Maybe I am trying to talk about the things I think people want to hear. Or maybe I struggle with speaking at all. While I am no stranger to negative voice inside of my head, I am attempting to let it control me. I am trying to listen to my heart only to find that I am lost in uncertainty. Is that the problem? I struggle with trusting myself?
I have made so many wrong decisions in my life. I can make the right decision however if I am refusing to make any decision at all. Seems simple but I suppose I am just not in the mood at all to make any more wrong decisions. They say that you can feel in your gut when something doesn’t feel right. I know this to be true because I my desperation to find a job last year I know I would not like working there. Instead of trusting that the universe had something really great in store for me, I took the job. It resulted in wrecking havoc on my health and my relationship. While I dream of a day that I can work and also have money, I know in fact last year I would have much rather chosen my sanity over a paycheck. However, deep down, I feel that this is a choice that shouldn't have to be made. I feel like plenty of people in the world have both the abundance and the happiness, to believe that you have to choose between the two is absurd. I know that! Yet why deep down to I still believe that.
I struggle with believing that I have nothing to offer. Otherwise, wouldn't all of this come easy for me? While life is hard for everyone, I still believe that not all aspects should be hard. I have never considered myself to be a religious person, despite growing up in a devout Catholic home, and attending Catholic school for the greater portion of my life. However, with every passing day I find myself turning to God. Except God isn’t some big scary man living in the sky. It is something that can’t be described with words and lives in my heart. I have turned inward and while nothing profound has taken place I know that I feel more confident in what I feel and hear knowing that it wasn’t some synchronicity I saw outside of me. If any has been made clear to me in the year of 2020, it is the fact that evil is real, and it walks among us everyday trying to force us to lose track. So I wonder now, is it my soul that is unsure, is it my soul that is lacking creativity, is it my soul that is procrastinating. No of course not. I think these limiting beliefs I hold are the product of evil that I have encountered in my own life and I believe it is these “hooks” for the lack of a better term have been hooked in me to keep me off track. That is why I have to, we all have to fight like hell to unhook ourselves from the evils in the world. I think at times we are too take responsibility for certain things in our life, but what if some things just simply aren’t our fault!? It kind of takes a little bit of the weight off doesn’t it?
We are all children of God, we are all beautiful magical powerful beings, I know that I am coming into my power more and more every day even if I don’t seem to know what I am doing. I ask you this, How are you holding yourself back? What will you do to change it?
Much love to you always and forever!
Brittany