White Guilt… I Am Not Sorry

With this new found race war happening on our planet, it is really hard to talk about anything else. I go through different emotions from hopelessness, depression, acceptance, then I circle back around again. It is odd to be living in a world where people are not welcome to express themselves exactly the way they deem fit. If your opinion differs from the narrative, we now have to worry about this cancel culture I keep seeing. Everyday I wake up and there is a new victim being attacked by the mob until there is nothing left of them. Why? Simply because they have a different opinion.

I am not naive to the fact that there is pain and injustice in the world. While I may not ever understand what is it like to be anyone but who I am, I still cannot standby and allow people to insinuate that my life is easy, or that I don’t experience pain or hardships. We a living in a time where individuals are demanding an apology for slavery, when they themselves have never been a slave. All while families are losing loved ones, to cancer. Just recently I read a story from a mom who lost her 3 year old little girl, and there are people are the streets shooting people and they are calling it peaceful protesting. It is all absurd. The truth is we all feel pain at all different degrees. Only I am not asking for anyone to take responsibility for my pain.

I am also not going to apologize for my God given skin color. I grew up a Catholic, with that comes Catholic guilt. Not only are we taught that we are born having sinned, but we are born already needing to repent. This is something I always hated, and its something I have had to work through. So when I turn on the news, or look on social media, and people are demanding for an apology I ask you “ What for?” I am a good person. I pray for humanity. I work hard to heal my own life in an effort to help heal the world. So no I am a child of God, he made me in his image and I am perfect, just as everyone else of every skin color is! It is non negotiable. It is fact.

I have never agreed with slavery nor have I had slaves. In fact I am not even sure my family was in this country yet. ( I haven’t done the research) What I do know is that my family has always worked hard. My family has never been handed anything. I can’t sit here and blame others for my shortcomings or the terrible choices I have made. It is no ones fault that I am in debt and that for the life of me I cannot find a job I appreciate. I was not given grants, and scholarships for school so I chose to take loans. My so called “privilege” has not got me that far in life. This is because I have personally made the wrong decisions. If I can’t find work it is because I am just not qualified for the job, that is not anyones fault. If you are not where you want to be then maybe that is something you need to explore within yourself. Only you have the answers to those questions.

Am I angry at the injustices of the world? Absolutely! There is so much corruption in this world that it often makes me ill. There are people in power who are greedy and corrupt, and that affects every race. What breaks my heart the most is that those fighting for the Black Lives Matter movement with good intentions may not realize that this too is led by the corrupt. I hear the injustices, and I understand that there is pain and anger. Anyone can feel that, but at the same level people can feel that things are not exactly right either… even if they choose to deny it.

I recall watching from the balcony the riots that were taking place in the city. I say riots because it was not a peaceful protest. Objects were being thrown, buildings were being vandalized, and a cop car was smashed and burned. A lady yelled at me from the crowd and called me a coward. She asked me “You should be down here and not watching.” I understand her point but there was no guarantee that my life would be safe. If that makes me a coward then I am okay with that. These were and still are not peaceful protest, if they were I would have no problem walking with them. If reform needs to happen then steps need to be taken for those reforms. With that being said, it has not been open for discussion because constant violence, and rioting have continuously ensued.

I am not a racist, and I too am also against police brutality. Those who are unfit to hold the position of a police officer should not do so, but I know that there are a lot of good police officers out there who are good people. While there are people that are racist I know that not all people are racist. In fact I can bet my life that the vast majority of people are not. The world of social media is far different than real life. When I am out talking to people most are just as sick of all of this as anyone else. I coexist with everyone with no problem. Just because I don’t see you for your skin color does not mean that I do not see you. It is your soul that I am interested in, not your skin color. I will leave you with this beautiful passage from the Bible. I am not at all religious it is just something I read often when things seem hard.

God is sheer mercy and grace;

not easily angered, he’s rich in love.

he doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,

nor hold grudges forever.

He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,

nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.

As high as heaven is over the earth,

so strong is his love to those who fear him.

And as far as sunrise if from sunset,

he has separated us from our sins.

As parents feel for their children,

God feels for those who fear him.

He knows us inside and out,

keeps in mind that we’re made of mud. (Ps. 8-14 MSG)

XOXO

Britt