Never Quite Fitting In
I have never fully felt that I really fit in here. I suppose for awhile I thought that was a curse but now I know that is not true. I can recall sitting in meeting and listening to co workers argue about things that to me just didn’t seem to matter in the grander scheme of things. I have known that it was someone’s plan to make me a puppet only I just never quite fell for it. However not falling for it leaves you in a odd, insecure and unstable place. I watch people argue about what they have been told to believe, and I often wonder if they even know why they believe what they do. I watch people turn their back on their peers in order to move ahead. I have both witnessed and experienced being put in a powerless place so that I too am unable to move ahead.
I have watched people kick others down, and I have been kicked down. I have refused to conform to this type of behavior. In an effort to remain kind I have lost friends, jobs, and income praying that one day things could change. I know the world is a tough place to be. Given recent days I truly believe is it much darker than I or anyone else could truly imagine. In fact I don't want to imagine it. I pray what may come to light holds no truth. I believe the world can change, but I have no idea how to make that happen. I will not turn a blind eye to the evil to this world but I will not give it even more power than it already has.
I believe we live in a world where we have stopped thinking for ourselves. Where we would rather be lied to so that we don’t have to fear the truth if we heard it. I refuse to take part in corruption. I will remain the person that I am, with my values intact. In this time of quarantine I am searching within myself to let go of the petty differences and anger I have held on to. The truth is I have been hurt, betrayed, lied to. I have felt alone, angry, desperate, abandoned, ridiculed, depressed and sad. There had joy but no at much as all the other things and it is time that I focus on my joy. Holding on to my anger has only hurt me and I don't want to be angry any more. I want to be the light in this world that I see so very little of. Not because it isn’t there but because the evil in this world would rather me not see it.
It has never rang more true “ Be the change you want to see in the world.” I vow to do just that. I believe the world is about to change. I believe that one day it will all be revealed to us and it will be more than shocking. I hope that individuals begin to look away from the TV and their phones and open their minds and begin thinking of themselves.
Just imagine seeing movies with different actors. My gosh have you notice how its a small group of people in the movies now. Gosh it is getting really old, and boring. It is so hard for those who are really creative to get noticed! We just see the same old things over and over and I am ready for something new. I am ready for a change. I am ready for people who are truly talented to get the recognition that they deserve. Imagine a world where you can believe whatever you want and you aren’t killed for it. Imagine a world where you aren’t censored. Imagine a world where you are truly free. I feel that if we can begin to open our minds and start being kind to one another things could really begin to change. We are all in this together so instead of trying to get ahead just be kind and be rewarded for those efforts. Set greed, anger, jealousy, envy and judgement aside and only choose love. I know it isn’t easy and I won’t even sit here and tell you I haven’t been holding on to some serious grudges because I absolutely have. I have a lot of grudges to let go of and for the first time I feel like I am ready for that.
Lots of love
Brittany