The Day I Quit My Job & My Dog Died

My alarm woke me up early on Feb 3rd. Tears already streaming down my face because I was having to go to a job that I absolutely hated. While my depression was not stemming from this toxic work environment (something that I recently learned) I know that it was in fact not helping me at all. I looked over to my love who has seen me cry almost every morning and I said I wanted to quit my job. He was supportive and agreed it might be the best move for my mental health since the place has not improved for two months since I wanted to walk out the first time.

Almost as soon as we agreed I would go to work and quit, I received a text from my sister saying the Emma, my Pomeranian of 14 years, needed to go to the ver because she had a bad night. She routinely needed an allergy shot especially this time of year so I figured that is all this would be. I had no idea what was about to happen.

I can’t go into details about what was wrong with my girl, but long story short her lungs we in bad shape. I was alone that day in the vet and I had to say goodbye to my little baby girl, my best friend, and my soulmate. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and I am sobbing even writing the short version of it all. I miss her everyday and I tell her I love her everyday. Her urn and paw print are next to the candle I bought for the baby I lost back in December.

Emma was a very important animal in my life, and while everyone tells me that I made the right decision there will always be a part of me that doubts that. I hope she is not mad at me, it might be silly to read that but it is something I think about all the time. From 7am to 11am my world had completely changed. I quit my job and lost my best friend. I believe it will be a day I remember for the rest of my life.

Working through my sadness, and facing some fears has been quite a struggle for me. So why am I writing about all of this? Because I need to face it, and I need to feel it, and I need process these things. With my back in pain it is hard to move my body as much as I would like, but I do bet if I stopped drinking so much wine things might start improving.

As someone once told me, I need to work on myself, and you need to do the work for you…. that is just what I’ll do. The truth is I am tired of the depression and sadness. While it may be harder to get out of bed than it ever has been I know that this is only temporary and I will find the strength to move forward. I must remember to be gentle with myself, kind to myself, and forgive myself. My healing is beginning, but it is a very slow process.

lots of love

Brittany