OMG That’s So Embarrassing…
I am just like everyone else when it comes to not wanting to be embarrassed. I can sit here and easily say that I don’t give a shit about what people think, and for the most part that is true. However, there is a small part of me that does care. I don’t always need to be accepted, agreed with, or even liked, but still there is this part of me that is horrified. Take this blog for example, or even more so my attempt of starting a podcast. I listen to podcast but I don’t know anyone personally who has one. In fact I am sooo incredibly hush hush about mine because I can just feel and hear the eyeballs rolling out of peoples skulls.
There was not and is not a lot of support in this endeavor of mine. Even I don’t know why I still feel called to do this. I enjoy only a few things. Writing is something that I love and something that I know I was meant to do. Talking on a podcast is something I also love, no matter how lame people may think it is. Podcast are not for everyone but I should be content because I love them. It isn’t that simple. I can post a sound bite and cringe. Every time I do I feel really stupid. So it begs the question why do I keep subjecting myself to this feeling of humiliation. The answer is I don’t know haha. Maybe I am facing a fear, or just trying to to find the courage to build something of my own. I could sit around forever and try to figure our why but that is probably why I have been stagnant all of these years.
I look at all these podcasts and blogs that I love, and I often wonder why I don’t do the same. A lot of the “not doing” comes from my own insecurities. It is so easy to sit back and be quiet. It is so easy to observe. I still observe it is important, but I speak up a little more now, especially if I feel like something is completely unjust or unfair. I am not one for confrontation so this is kind of a huge step for me. I would avoid everything at all cost if it meant I didn’t have to confront or be confronted. I know what a coward hahaha.
Last year I had this horrible horrible professor. She had a few targets in some of her courses and I was one of them. I confronted her because I knew she would keep abusing her power. Most of the people in my program don’t have the time or the money to be dealing with bullshit. I believe most everyone works hard and does what is asked of them so to mess with someone’s grade because you can is uncalled for. People are actively avoiding her classes now which messes up their schedule. Worse she will gladly fail people and not be clear as to why they just can’t seem to do what she wants because she is so unclear and unprofessional. So there is wasted time and money all because this one person has a chip on her soldier. I mention this story because so many people I know chose not say anything for the sake of their own grade. It was not secret that if you questioned her she would start chipping away at your grades. Others would come to me to complain about what she was doing, but would not speak out about how unfair she was being. Therefore she keeps getting away with this behavior.
I was willing to sacrifice my grade to stop this woman. I don’t believe anything came of it but at least I know I was willing to stand up for myself and other in hopes that in the future she won’t be able to impact others in such a negative way. It takes courage to speak up and speak out. It takes courage to be different and even create. The world needs more individuals, and creation. It’s rare ti see anything original anymore. Social media pushes the same people at us constantly. So many singers have immaculate voices and yet people like Cardi B are at the top of the charts.
Take the time to support small business, immerse yourself in original content by the not so famous person. If you hear someone with an amazing voice share it with everyone! We need a shift! The pendulum always has to swing back, and I believe we are at a real tipping point!
XOXO
Brittany