Take The Pain & Feel it
I have never been one to have a lot of friends, but at one point I thought it meant something about myself that I didn't have a lot of friends but I did everything I possibly could for the ones I did have. I’ve lost a lot o friendships, some my fault and others not my fault at all. One thing stand true though, is that whether it was my fault or not each friendship lost hurt me in its own unique way. I suppose this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I am in my 30’s and almost all the friendships that I had did not stand the test of time. My friend married in the their 20’s and began growing their families. I was a bridesmaid more times than I could count and I the number of presents I bought for weddings and babies is mind-blowing. I was a good friend and I did what I could for all of them and I was happy to.
However, I do not talk to most of the people anymore. I suppose when you get married and have children its hard to keep with other people. I suppose…. I suppose. I guess I am confused because is it that its hard to keep up friends or was it hard to keep up with friends like me. A friend who was single, with no children, who had to move out of her town to care for a family member.
I don’t bring these things up to feel bad for myself or to blame the people I once called my friends, I bring it up because I believe that so many people like myself blame themselves when they shouldn’t. I believe that friendships, just as romantic relationships need effort from both parties. If there is effort only coming from one then honestly when that effort stops the friendship usually simply has run its course. Have you ever had a friendship “ run its course”? I have… and you know what!? It hurts!!
The truth is I miss every unique aspect of all of my lost friendships. I mourn these losses like I would most losses. I held a lot of anger for a long time over these lost friendship. For a brief moment I thought “ Wow what a waste of my time.” I especially felt this when it was me making the only effort to keep the friendship alive. I suppose you could look at it that way but I was sick of feeling heavy about it. The truth is people move on and there is nothing you can do about it. People sometimes just don’t care to have you in their life and there is nothing you can do about that either. The point is to not blame yourself.
These lost friendships weren’t a waste of my time because my life has changed whether in big ways or small ways because of the people that have crossed my path. Whether they are short stories or epic novels, they have all shaped me into the person that I am today.
So I could have chosen to harbor the anger but I am learning that that isn’t the life I want to lead. Nor do I want to harbor anger towards God or the Universe. I would have never gotten here without my experiences and I think that is important to remember. This however is not me saying to look for the good in all your experiences. I do not believe this to be true and I think that this is dangerous and minimizes your experiences. I think the world tries to do that enough for us.
The truth is there may be things that happen to us that we may not understand during our time here on earth. While we want things to make sense, like our child dying, or losing the love our lives in some horrible freak accident, right now these might be things that we can’t understand. However, we do not need to make light of the situation trying to make sense of it all. In these instances I feel that it is most important to feel what we feel. That agonizing heartbreak will teach us something even if we aren’t aware of it or looking for meaning. It will happen organically and beautifully just as it should.
So what I ask of you today is to take whatever you are feeling right now and feel it with everything that you have because that is what the world needs.
May God Bless you in all the ways you need,
xoxo
Brittany